And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
