started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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