How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
