He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
