If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
