My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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