are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
