I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
