I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
