I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
