I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
