cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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