If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
