I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
