I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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