you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
