honey bunches of taint.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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