I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
