I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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