just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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