I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
