With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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