Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
