Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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