My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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