hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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