he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
