we made out on top of his cat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
