I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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