I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
