Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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