so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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