SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
