Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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