No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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