Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
