Ambien. No doubt about it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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