My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
