definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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