So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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