What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
