I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize