True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
