I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
