this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
