i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
