There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
