i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
