i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
