You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
