Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
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Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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