my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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