Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize