i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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