I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
