that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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