You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
