and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
