i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
