i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
