ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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