she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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