I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
