I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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