so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
